Recurring Dream #dreamsexplained

So I have this recurring dream. I get it every few weeks and have done for around 4 years, maybe longer. I have still no idea what it means. I have looked for various meanings, but it’s too much. It is too jumbled up, but it is always the same.

I am in a tree. No idea why or how, but I am there. Sitting in the top of the branches. I can’t see much, it’s foggy or misty. With a blink I am on the back of a really big brown owl. It’s tipping from side to side flying through the trees, the mist never clears and I have no idea where I am going. I am just laying prone on the back of an owl at this point. We snap to a gnarled black tree. There is a leg stuck in the tree, but not the leg of anyone I know.

A photo by Richard Loader. unsplash.com/photos/qsEJGX4VqYU

We land and it’s clear that my job is to pull the leg out, and likely the person with it. I never can. So I struggle to pull the leg out from the grip of the tree and it never moves. Eventually I wake up, and I always wonder what the leg in the tree represents. The tree is really gnarled up, it’s covered in black stick tar like stuff too. It’s actually just a bit gross.

I occasionally cat nap on the sofa, but I only really have that dream when I’m in my bed, never when I am on holiday either. I have changed my bed in the last 6 months too, I also got a new mattress and duvet – the works. It didn’t make a difference.

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I have a pretty solid sleep routine, it will probably be changing in the next few weeks when our middle kid heads off to school. Currently I am 11pm-7.30am. So I think that will shift to 10-6. I must add that I usually read or watch telly before falling asleep, I tend to wind down for a while.

I’ve always wanted to have this dream broken down into piece which I can understand. I feel like it’s really important to get a sense of what might be bothering you ‘under the hood’. Tomorrow Adjustamatic, who have teamed up with top psychologist and oneiric Ian Wallace, will be analysing dreams on-camera and I honestly can’t wait to hear about what other people dream about and how they can be decoded to find the message behind them.

I’m taking part in the #dreamsexplained campaign by writing this post.

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Grow with MAM! #growwithmam

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We are a MAM Blogger so with the help of my smallest helper we have planted some seeds as part of the #growwithmam campaign. MAM are committed to the well-being of babies and they operate sustainably.

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Ivy was really excited with the planting part of the campaign and me? I am really happy to be working alongside a company that saves 48% CO2 vs electric sterilising and 85% versus boiling water sterilisation.

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Little helping hands, much like swapping to MAM Anti-Colic Self-Sterilising bottles, can make a huge difference.

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She sprinkled the seeds into little pots filled with damp soil.

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and in a few weeks time we will have even more green on our window ledge.

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We will post a little update about our seeds in a few weeks!

Thanks to MAM for providing the seeds used in this post and you can read more about their sustainability at Active Responsibility.

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The Friend You Used to Be

I think you can often only really appreciate something once it is over. Is that not the curse of life? Hindsight is a gorgeous tool.

This friendship started so easily and ended verbally viciously. When I look back now, I know that I made mistakes, and likely she did to. A misunderstanding, lingering unspoken words, and, I would say a lot of love. That is the problem, though, isn’t it? You become so invested in this person, you can convince yourself of who you think they are. You build an image of who, and what they should be. How selfish of us.

Truthfully, you do not get many good friends in this life. Not the real ones. They type you can tell you true thoughts to. The type that, when you are at the lowest ebb, only they know why. The type that, when you need a hand, with anything, they put their own hand out. While you are in that friendship, in the eye of the storm, you do not see much beyond it.

The something changes. One of you says something that is out of turn or does something that is miscommunicated. Neither of you brings it up again. You leave it there, the spilt milk of friendship. Slowly going rancid, but no one has the heart or nerve to clean it up. Because cleaning it up means pointing to the person who spilled it, pointing to the person who left it and ultimately, someone taking responsibility.

I think it is my time to take responsibility.

For years you were very much my total outlet, and I don’t think you really understood how much you meant to me. I don’t think I ever told you either. The things I shared with you, I wouldn’t have shared with another living soul. You kept it all in our little friendship box. Our box of all the things we couldn’t say to other people. In the end, we tore the box open and began to throw our truths at each other. I’d rather be called a cunt everyday of my life than have my reality laid bare. Isn’t it strange how we do that? To my knowledge, the only person you ever told those things from our box to, was me – at the end.
I thank you for that. I actively changed in the months following, I’m still that same girl but you flashed the light on all of my real faults. The ones I could fix. It hurt at the time, it felt like you had set me on fire. It was the right thing for you to do. I know that now.

I often considered sending something, but I know that it isn’t the right place to start. What was broken can never be fixed to look just how it was. It functions differently, it leaks, it’s more fragile.

I considered writing a letter. That feels too much like shouting into the wind. How can you ever be sure it reached its destination? You never will. Similarly, this post is shouting into the internet.

I have on numerous occasions written a Facebook message, but it felt too closely linked with how it all came crashing down.

It’s been over a year since we’ve spoken, actually, I think the last time was 29/06/2015 when you asked if I had the decency to tell you what you had done. Truth is, I obviously didn’t. At the time I just couldn’t deal with it all. It goes back to me, not asking a simple single question – which now doesn’t even matter. In fact, it probably never mattered. If I had asked, you would’ve answered me.

In truth, you taught me more about real friendship than anyone before you, and also more about loss in the time since.

I think about you often. I sometimes do the very grown up thing of stalking your social media, reading things you’ve written, looking at photographs you’ve taken. This was, of course, after I had blocked you on everything, then unblocked… rinse repeat.

So, I am sorry, I am thankful, I am ashamed, and I am still hurt. You were right in the end. In the last year, I have had a long, long time to think about the things you said, the things I said and I still can’t find it in my heart to be anything but sad.
Yours,

Zara.

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Bathing Bunnies, the Perfect Baby Gift

Bathing Bunnies, the Perfect Baby Gift

I’ve recently had a gorgeous new niece Ruby, so when Bathing Bunnies approached me to review one of their towels sets I immediately thought of her. I opted for the Bonny Bunny hooded towel set, I think it’s something she can keep for a long time too. I’ve kept all the personalised items my girls received and I think it makes it a bit more special. It’s priced at £29.99 for the gift set, £8 for personalisation and £3.so for the gift boxing. For me that is really well priced.

Bathing Bunnies, the Perfect Baby Gift

Bathing Bunnies, the Perfect Baby Gift

I was hugely impressed with the quality, the towels, bib and wash mitt are so soft, exactly what you want for your baby, and certainly what you want in a great gift set.

Bathing Bunnies, the Perfect Baby Gift

The presentation is already gifting ready, you could get it sent directly to your recipient. The towel was wrapped in a bow, and sitting on top of the mitt and bib. The box it comes in is cream and grey and would work as a gift box without needing to add extra, if like me you have limited time I couldn’t recommend something better. Towel sets are gorgeous, will be used for years and my kids grew to love their first character towels.

Bathing Bunnies, the Perfect Baby Gift

The availability of the personalisation is lovely, as you can see from the first picture. The stitching is really high quality.

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Photo credit : Bathing Bunnies
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Where did all my hair go?

I think, if I am honest three kids has really taken its toll on my hair. I used to have really thick flowing locks, 3 kids and 9 years later it is a shadow of it’s former self. Over the years I have opted for a lot of deep conditioning treatments, sprays, oils and lotions. I have noticed a huge improvement but does that mean my hair is better? Not really.

I do have blue hair though. When you bleach or dye your hair you have to take even better care of it. A lot of time between sessions, a lot of deep conditioning.

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I think stress has had a huge impact too. Over the last few years, moving houses, illness, family issues… The list goes on. I react really badly to stress, my hair falls our, I get ulcers and spots!

So, Where did all my hair go?

  • Hair falls out post pregnancy
  • Stress from hair falling out
  • Stress causes more hair fall out
  • Cheers self up with new hair colour
  • Hair looks fabulous
  • Feel fabulous
  • See improvement
  • Stress
  • Hair falls out

Raise repeat. Ideally I would like a solution that would fix my problem completely. There are some amazing treatments now that are permanent, The Harley Street Hair Clinic offer an amazing thing called FUE hair transplant on their website so you can see if you can kick start your own journey to fuller hair.

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